


Bruises

by stormcloud_cos



Series: Sanders Sides Angst [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Cutting, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has Vitiligo, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Self Harming Virgil Sanders, Self-Harm, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26803708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormcloud_cos/pseuds/stormcloud_cos
Summary: Virgil and Janus are soulmates, linked through a bond in which any injuries they gain appear on the other. What will happen when Janus starts getting self-harm cuts from Virgil? Will he be able to find Virgil before something terrible happens?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides Angst [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956703
Comments: 11
Kudos: 143





	1. Chapter 1

_~_ **_Janus_ ** _~_

This was the third time today that it had happened.

Janus felt a pressure on his left forearm, and upon looking down at it, he saw a bruise forming. _Not again_ , he thought to himself. Seeing things like this made him worried about his soulmate. Were they getting bullied? Were they in an abusive household? Janus didn’t know. And the fact that he didn’t know scared him.

He looked down at the bruise again, and visibly flinched. It was a bad one.

“Mr. Sanders? Can I use the restroom?” Janus asked his 11th grade biology teacher.

Mr. Sanders nodded. “Sure, Janus, but not too long.” Janus shoved his concealer and some arnica rub in his pocket and rushed out of the classroom, earning a concerned look from his best friend Patton.

Ever since Janus had turned 16 and the soulmate bond had first been created, he’d been receiving more bruises and scrapes than most of the others in his class. Each time he only felt a dull pain, but he knew that his soulmate was receiving injuries much worse than that. 

As soon as Janus made it to the bathroom, he took out the arnica and started rubbing it on the bruise. As soon as he finished that, he but concealer over-

 _Wait a minute_ , thought Janus as he felt a pressure on his eye. He glanced up at the mirror, grimacing at the vitiligo over the left side of his face, and..

 _WHO THE FUCK GAVE THEM A BLACK EYE?!_ The bruise was growing on his right eye by the second, and Janus winced when he saw another bruise show up on his cheek.

That’s it, he was going to find his soulmate. Wherever they were, it obviously wasn’t safe, and he was going to protect them, whatever it took.

  
  


_~_ **_Virgil_ ** _~_

This was the third time today that it had happened.

Virgil rose shakily from the school bathroom’s floor, gripping the sink for balance. Why did his father think it was okay to out him to his whole school as gay?! As if living with him wasn’t bad enough already, with his passive-aggressive remarks about his being gay; and when he was in a bad mood, those remarks turned into Virgil being yelled at for about 20 minutes straight **(gAy-)** about how being gay is a sin, about how much of a disappointment he was.

And now, to add to all that, his father had decided to out him to everyone at his school, which meant more bruising; physical as well as emotional.

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. He hadn’t met up with his best- his _only_ friend today, he was sure to be worried. Crap. He sighed and pushed the pain to the corner of his mind, preparing the far-too-often-told lie that “these are his soulmate’s bruises”. 

**_\- after school -_ **

Virgil sighed. He didn’t want his father to know that he was home, he had been in such a bad mood earlier.

“VIRGIL SANDERS!” Well, no escaping her now.

“What is it, Dad?” He hated how ‘dad’ felt in his mouth. That man wasn’t a father. A dad would be accepting of his son, no matter who he loved.

He snapped Virgil out of his thoughts by raising his voice, “Listen to me, you fag!” He flinched. “Thinking about boys, I bet. Useless.” Ah, so he was having a good day. 

_I am useless._ The thought seeped into his mind effortlessly. _Well, it’s true, after all._

Why must people be homophobic? _It’s not like we in the LGBTQ+ community hate straight people. It’s not like we gag every time a girl and a boy kiss in public._ Virgil headed upstairs, ignoring his father’s calls for him to “get down here you useless child!” He couldn’t be bothered to listen to him, not when he had to cover the bruises so his dad wouldn’t call him a weakling as well. He’d long since learned that they weren’t his soulmate’s bruises, and usually said something along the lines of “If you weren’t a weak little faggot, you’d be able to defend yourself!” 

He remembered when his father first found out he was gay. The memory just slipped into his mind. It was too late. He hated reliving this moment, yet he remembered it as clear as day.

-

_Virgil, at 14, was walking into his room. He slung his backpack onto the beanbag in the corner of his room before realizing that his father was on his bed. “What is it, Dad?” he’d asked. Just like a normal day._

_Only after he had been silent for about a minute, did he realize that there was something on his lap- OH SHIT. HIS DIARY. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-_

_“You have a crush on a BOY?!” he yelled, now that Virgil was aware of what was happening. “YOU’RE a boy! You can’t have a crush on one! It’s a sin!”_

_The pain was what Virgil remembered clearest. Physical, emotional, his father caused both until he couldn’t even tell the difference. He remembered curling up on the floor next to the bed trying to get_ **_away_ ** _from him, hyperventilating, and everything hurt so much, he just wanted it to stop! Just let it stop already!_

_Yet, it didn’t stop. It didn’t stop until Virgil was left a bruised, bloody mess, barely conscious on the floor. There was a hazy memory about Virgil’s father saying something like, “Let’s hope I beat the gay out of you. If not, then…”_

_Then there was nothing else._

-

 _Crap, crap..._ This couldn’t be happening now. His hands were running through his hair- _when did that happen?_ \- his breathing was shallow and uneven. Everything was a blur. It was like he was living through it again. With shaky hands, he opened his drawer. He’d been too scared to do it back then, but the razor remained in the drawer.

Several minutes later, Virgil’s wrists were covered in blood. It was trickling down his arms to his elbows, and drops were starting to stain the floor red. His hands were shaking, but it was unclear if it was from pain or panic. 

**_~Janus~_ **

“Jan, come here for a sec!” Patton called. They were hanging out at the park and Logan, Patton, and Roman had ventured off somewhere while Janus was looking at his notifications on his phone.

“What is it?”

“Look, the ice cream shop is finally open!” Finally! It had been closed for so long. This place had the best ice cream there was.

Patton dragged Janus into the shop, where Roman and Logan were waiting.

The person behind the bar took notice of the four teenagers in the shop. “Oh, our first four customers since reopening! What would you like?”

Janus took notice of their name tag, which displayed the name Talyn with they/them pronouns. “I’ll have a butterscotch, please.”

Patton chimed in from behind him, “I’ll get a cotton candy flavored!”

“Sure! And what do those two want?” She gestured to Roman and Logan, who were engaged in a deep conversation about what the plural of Lego is.

The dad-like character chuckled. “They’ll have a chocolate and a coconut, please.” Those were their orders every time they went here, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone that Patton remembered.

Talyn smiled. “Coming right up,” they said, and headed over to the back to grab cones.

Soon enough, the group was paying. When Janus’s turn came, Talyn froze.

“What’s wrong?” asked Janus, slightly concerned. It wasn’t until he glanced down at his arms that he realized what they had been shocked about. “What the-”

“JANUS! Your wrists!” Patton ran over to him and took his cardigan off from around his shoulders. He bound it around Janus’s arms and handed the concerned cashier a $10 bill, before grabbing Janus’s ice cream and ushering everyone out the door.

~~~

“Do you think this was your soulmate’s doing?” Logan asked when they’d made it back to Roman’s house, while he cleaned the wounds. They looked like whoever had done it was using a razor.

Janus nodded, then winced when Logan touched a wet washcloth to his wrist. Wait, winced? These weren’t supposed to hurt as much as his soulmate’s wounds were. Then again, these were cuts, not just bruises.

“They look like self-harm cuts...” Patton muttered sadly.

Janus winced again- _why was Logan still cleaning them_ -

Roman stood up abruptly. “Wait, Patton? How do you know what those look like?” Patton looked like he’d seen a ghost. He obviously didn’t mean to imply what he’d just implied, but it was too late.

The usually cheerful one wrapped his arms around his knees. “Because I used to cut,” he whispered, almost too quiet for the others to hear.

No one seemed to know quite what to say, so Roman sat down on the bed and wrapped his arms around the other.

Logan broke the silence a minute later. “Roman, where do you keep your bandages?”

“Top cabinet, downstairs bathroom,” Janus replied absentmindedly, remembering from when Roman had gotten into a fight at school. His mind was still trying to process the fact that his soulmate was harming themself. _His soulmate_. 

He had to find them before it got worse.

“Kiddo, you okay?”

Janus hadn’t even realized that Patton was still here. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine.” He’d never told such an obvious lie in his life. 

Patton frowned. “No, you’re not.” A moment of silence. Then… “It’s pretty scary, huh?”

“Hm?”

“Knowing that your soulmate’s going through this pain right now…”

“Yeah..” Janus didn’t really want to continue that conversation. Regardless, Patton kept talking.

“I-I know this probably won’t be much help, ya know, since it’s your soulmate and not you, but... it does get better.”

“... thanks, Pat.”

Roman shifted on the bed, then said, “Do you want to sleep over tonight?”

“Sure,” Janus said to him softly.

“WAIT WHAT?!” a voice exclaimed from the room next to Roman’s.

“WHAT, REMUS?” Roman yelled back.

Remus whirled around the hall. “I’m going to a friend’s house! Probably not gonna be back until tomorrow or something, I’m sleeping over. Bye!” He ran down the stairs and out the door.

“Weirdo,” Roman mumbled.

~~~

“B-But what if it gets worse? What if they attempt suicide?! W-What if- they-” Janus kept rambling, tearing pricking in the corners of his eyes. It was about midnight and he’d been pacing around and ranting for about twenty minutes, and was getting more and more worried.

“Janus, I need you to stop talking for one moment.” Logan interjected, his voice stern. The boy in question whirled around to look at him. “Name five things you see, okay?”

“O-Okay, um, you, P-Patton, Roman… window, a-and the bed.”

“Now, four things that you can feel.”

“Shirt, uh, j-jacket... my hands, and th-the air conditioning blowing.” He sat down on the bed.

“Three things you can hear.”

“Air conditioning, your voice… the bed creaking.”

“I really do need to fix that,” Roman whispered to himself.

“Two things that you can smell.”

“Clean shirt, and, uh, th-the bandages..” That didn’t help.

“And finally, one thing that you can taste.”

“Uh.. my... saliva?” It was good enough, right?

Logan offered Janus a small smile. “Do you feel better now?”

Janus sighed. “Yeah, a little. Thanks.”

Roman stood up. “Well then, let’s get to sleep, shall we?” He looked down at his boyfriend and soulmate Patton, who was already asleep. **(i’m making this royality too because i can)**

_Fuck_. 

-

Two weeks later, no one had any leads. There was no way to find out who they were! Janus was pretty sure that they were a boy, since he was gay, but he’d had a friend who identified as lesbian and her soulmate was a boy. One never knew. Therefore, it would be better to use they/them pronouns for them until he knew their gender.

Wait, he was supposed to be thinking of ways to find his soulmate! He sighed, and internally yelled at himself. Janus had gotten more cuts, not as bad the first few times but becoming worse and worse, and more often too, with the latest being about half an hour ago. He wished there was a way to-

Wait.

 _THE BOND!_ The soulmate bond made soulmates share each other’s wounds and injuries, with only a small portion of the pain. A quick test let Janus know that when he scratched his arm, the scratched part turned red. That was how he could find them! He took a few minutes to think of something to say, and settled with his phone number. **(used random number generator)** ‘886 445 8324’. Now all he had to do was wait.

**_~Virgil~_ **

Virgil was sitting on the counter in his bathroom, cleaning up. It had been about two weeks since he’d started.

A tingling sensation made its way up Virgil’s upper arm- his soulmate, probably He wondered what had happened. He glanced at it... wait, nothing was-

Ten numbers faded into existence, appearing a light red, not much different to his pale skin tone. Wait... _A phone number?_ What?! Was this his soulmate’s number? _Why would he want to contact me?_

Regardless, Virgil let curiosity take over. He ran over to the other side of his small room (almost tripping on a bunch of dirty clothes) and before the numbers could fade, he typed them into his phone.

  
  


**_~Janus~_ **

All it took was a buzz from Janus’s phone in his back pocket to make him toss his laptop onto his pillow, jump off his bed, and pull out his phone. He unlocked it as fast as he could and checked his texts.

886-265-6958 **(keyboard smash for number)** : _hey_

ALREADY?! It had only been a few minutes! 

Wait. Was this even his soulmate? It could be a wrong number, for all he knew.

886-265-6958: _this is gonna sound weird but this number appeared on my arm like it was scratched r u ok?_

It WAS his soulmate! Janus was overjoyed. He actually had contact with his soulmate!

🐍Janus 🐍: _I’m okay, don’t worry_

🐍Janus 🐍: _Are you, though? I keep seeing cuts._

**_~Virgil~_ **

886-445-8324: _Are you, though? I saw the cuts._

Crap. He’d forgotten about that aspect of the bond. 

Virgil started typing, then deleted it. What the hell was someone supposed to say to that?

886-445-8324: _I’m Janus, by the way. What’s your name?_

Oh, something he could answer.

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _virgil_

 _contact shared:_ 🐍Janus 🐍

Virgil let out a dry chuckle. The snakes seemed to fit perfectly. He shared his own contact with Janus.

🐍Janus 🐍: _What area do you live in? I wonder if we’re close_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _gainesville-ish florida, u?_

_Gainesville?_ That was only a few miles from where Janus lived!

🐍Janus 🐍: _Oh! That’s where I live too! I wonder if we’ve met before.._

**_~Janus~_ **

A few moments passed.

Then a minute.

Then a few minutes.

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _probably not i’ve never seen anyone with bruises matching mine_

Right. Janus covered his bruises. He wondered if Virgil did, too.

🐍Janus 🐍: _If you’re okay with it, maybe we could meet up._

Wait, no, that sounded creepy.

🐍Janus 🐍: _Only if you want to of course_

There, partially fixed. He wondered if Virgil would want to meet up this soon. If so, where would they meet up? The park near Janus’s house? Or maybe he should suggest that Virgil choose where they meet, as not to seem self-centered.

He was brought out of his thoughts with a ding, signaling his soulmate’s response.

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _sure where do u want to meet up?_

🐍Janus 🐍: _Anywhere is fine_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _what about sanders cafe? it’s near my school_

No way. No fricking way. Did they go to the same school?! Sanders Cafe was near Janus’s school too! Hell, his favorite teacher was one of the people who ran it!

🐍Janus 🐍: _Do you by any chance go to ******** High?_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _yeah it’s the only one near sanders cafe_

🐍Janus 🐍: _That’s my school too! That’s awesome, we go to the same school!_

**_~Virgil~_ **

Wait, they went to the same school? Why hadn’t Virgil seen anyone with his bruises! Sure, he covered them up, but his soul- but Janus might not! 

“VIRGIL! GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW, YOU FAG!” Virgil jumped at his dad’s voice. He tucked his phone under his mattress and sprinted out of his room.

“W-What is it?” He asked once he got to the living room; it hadn’t taken long, given that they lived in a relatively small house.

“Just go unload the groceries already.” Virgil flinched at his father’s bitter tone. He nodded, and without saying another word, ran outside to get the groceries.

**_~Janus~_ **

Why hadn’t Virgil answered yet? It had been ten minutes. Did something happen? If so, why hadn’t Janus gotten any more bruises?

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _sorry i hd to go do sometging_

Oh. Oh! Virgil was back! That probably meant nothing happened. Of course, one couldn’t be too sure.

🐍Janus 🐍: _Did something happen?_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _oh crap i forgoy you could see the bruises_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _yeah it was my dsd_

Bruises? There weren’t any…

Janus let that thought fade away as he felt pressure on his... everywhere. He got up to go look in the mirror and saw bruises forming almost everywhere on his body. A tight knot formed in his stomach and his breath hitched in his throat. _Is this where all the bruises came from? Virgil’s DAD?!_ No, a dad wouldn’t do that. A dad was kind, and sweet, and cared for his kid no matter what! A dad…

Virgil’s father wasn’t a dad. He was a cruel, cold-hearted villain. Janus supposed he was being a little like Roman in the moment, but he didn’t care. He was going to get to Virgil as soon as possible. He would protect his soulmate from that man, whatever it took.

🐍Janus 🐍: _Do you want to meet up tomorrow? Sanders Cafe_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _sure what timr?_

🐍Janus 🐍: _I dunno, it depends what time you get up. I usually get up early_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _uhh does 12 work?_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _sorry i sleep late_

🐍Janus 🐍: _No need to apologize! 12 works good, see you there_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _yeah see u_

**_~Virgil~_ **

He was actually going to meet his soulmate! He couldn’t wait!

A buzz from the desk notified him that Janus had texted him again.

🐍Janus 🐍: _Wait before you go, what are your pronouns? I just realized I forgot to ask_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _no problem, he/him_

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _i’m assuming yours are he/him too_

🐍Janus 🐍: _Yeah_

A crash from downstairs. _Shit_ . “VIRGIL!!” _Double shit_. His hands were shaking as he texted once more.

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _i gtg niw see u tomorrpw_

He ran downstairs.

**_~Janus~_ **

v i r g e 🕷🕷: _i gtg niw see u tomorrpw_

Why were there so many typos? Did something happen?

Looking over at the clock, Janus realized with a start that it was _late_. He ran over to his desk and plugged his phone in, promising himself to think about it more tomorrow, and got into bed. He quickly fell asleep.

~~~

_‘RIIIIING!’_ Ah, shit. He was so absorbed in his book that he missed the bell. Janus quickly shoved all his things in his backpack, too excited to care about being organized today.

A pressure over his eye took all the excitement away. Something happened to Virgil.

More pressure on his arm. His torso… his other arm… _What’s happening!?_ Janus rushed out the door to the classroom, running down the hall and glancing both ways from time to time when he passed a door. Virgil was in the same school as him. They were close. Why didn't they just agree to meet at school?! This wouldn’t be happening then! Janus whirled around another corner towards the bathroom. He ran in, and…

The boy in front of him was wearing a black jacket that was just a little bit too small for him. He had matching bruises to the ones Janus had received. He was curled up under a sink, the bruises still growing, and he had a bleeding nose. Janus reached up and realized with a start that his own nose was bleeding. The boy’s purple hair was flopped over his eyes, but from the way his shoulders were shaking, Janus could tell that the other was crying.

“Virgil..?”

The boy, Virgil, his soulmate, froze. He wiped his eyes and looked up. His eyes widened when he saw that Janus had the same marks and bruises as he did. “J-Janus?!”


	2. Chapter 2

“J-Janus?!” The boy in front of him had the same bruises and marks as he did. He looked at Janus with wide eyes, almost forgetting his current situation. ‘Almost’ being the key word.

Suddenly the world started blurring together. Virgil’s head felt light, as if he were floating away. He registered the panic in the back of his mind as black spots spun in front of his vision, and he could hear someone, maybe Janus, shouting his name but it sounded muted. Through bleary vision he saw Janus start towards him-  _ why did he look panicked? _ \- and everything started going dark.

He was out before he hit the ground.

**~~~**

Virgil’s mind was too foggy to think coherently when he came to. All he could process was the bright lights above him- still a little blurry- and the muted voices coming from near him… from some direction.  _ The nurse’s office _ , he vaguely realized. It was a place he’d been to often enough.

Something was touching his hand. He moved his head over to look, and barely saw the dark tan hand around his before everything started to fade away once again, his vision spinning. He squeezed his eyes shut to, hopefully, alleviate himself from some of the dizziness. After a moment he cracked his eyes open again, able to see a little bit more clearly.

“Oh my god, you’re okay!” came a sudden shout from next to Virgil. He flinched at the loud noise that made his head pound. He forced himself to sit up, ignoring his aching limbs begging for him to stay down. Janus was the one next to him.  _ Janus _ brought him here, the anxious one realized. The memories of what had happened were coming back to him now. The others, they had him cornered, and…

“Vee, what the absolute HELL?!” Came a voice from the doorway. Roman’s brother,  _ Remus _ , Janus thought, came storming in with a look on his face that Janus couldn’t exactly read. 

He shoved past Janus, earning a look from Virgil’s soulmate, and promptly hugged the other.

Virgil flinched back, not expecting the sudden contact. He patted Remus’s back awkwardly, saying, “I’m fine, Ree.”

Remus grabbed his friend by the shoulders, giving him a stern look. “You are NOT okay. First you call me a few weeks ago and I couldn’t hear anything except the words ‘there’s so much blood’ and you panicking, then you start ignoring my texts, and- why the hell is Roman’s friend here?!” He finished with that, looking at both Janus and Virgil expectantly. 

The expectant look, the yelling, Virgil felt cornered, the voices from the other room got louder and a door slammed, his thoughts started blurring together,  _ too much _ , more people were talking, he curled up and tried to block it all out, someone was touching him  _ get away _ it was all too much  _ too much too much too much toomuchtoomuch _ \- 

Janus remembered something that one of his other friends had told him about dealing with panic attacks. “Hey. Hey, Virgil. I’m going to do a breathing exercise now. I’m going to count out loud. Join in whenever you can, alright?” A small nod from Virgil signaled that he could continue. He put a hand on his soulmate’s back, and upon getting no response to that, he started rubbing un small circles.

He thought now would be a good time to start the breathing exercises. “Okay, I’m going to count now. In for one, two, three, four…”

After many tries and half breaths, Virgil’s breathing started to even out. A few more moments, and he was able to force out a word. “T-Thanks..”

**~~~**

The two got to know each other better. Eventually Janus ended up asking Virgil to be his boyfriend. Virgil, of course, said yes. Janus promised to be the best to Virgil that he could.

  
  


**tHe EnD-**

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated!


End file.
